


Of Broken Hearts and Shattered Spirits

by MalkMcJorma



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Heartache, Loneliness, Not a Love Story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:48:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28435629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalkMcJorma/pseuds/MalkMcJorma
Summary: It can take quite a lot to crush a Slayer's spirit. But everyone has a breaking point... everyone.A short standalone taking place in the aftermath of the Bronze scene in "Empty Places".
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Magnetic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3156869) by [Electra126](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Electra126/pseuds/Electra126). 



“God, what were you thinking, Faith?” Buffy’s half-an-octave higher than normal exasperated scream grated Faith ears like nails on a chalkboard.

Faith tried to shrug her shoulders but the beating the Hellmouthy Cops had given her made her hurt all over so bad that she was unable to move her arms even a bit. Just standing up took almost everything she had.

“Seemed like a good idea at the time,” she mumbled. Breathing hurt but she would be damned before she showed any physical weakness to Buffy. She saw the flying fist but was unable to block it. It connected with her cheek with the force of a sledgehammer, spinning her around. As Faith went down, a series of images of every single time Buffy had punched her flashed through her mind. She hit the ground hard and her already injured ribs sent a flash of pain through her, almost enough to make her pass out.

“A good idea!?” Buffy screeched and Faith could almost visualize the veins popping in the blonde’s head. She was in a really bad shape and decided to just wait until Buffy had let out all the steam. What happened next was something she could never have expected. She heard Buffy take a step forward and then a solid kick landed in her side.

“You almost got them killed, Faith! You almost got _Dawn_ killed!” Buffy continued screaming, totally out of control, and landed a final kick in Faith’s stomach.

Faith couldn’t move, the pain she was in was totally paralyzing. Like from a great distance she heard Buffy’s receding steps. “Stay out of my way, Faith, until we need you,” was the final thing she heard before she really passed out from the pain.

* * *

Faith regained her consciousness slowly. She was cold and shivering. It was raining lightly and she saw she was alone in the dark alley behind the Bronze. The cops who had given her the initial thorough beating had slunk away while she was still unconscious. There was an almost blinding pain in her chest and she couldn’t keep back the tears escaping her eyes as she lay in a foetal position in a shallow puddle.

‘ _Why, B?_ ’ she asked herself as a dry sob shook her. ‘ _The punch I get but you were never this cruel. You saw the state I was in and still you struck me when I was already down._ ’ She coughed feebly and a splatter of blood escaped her mouth. ‘ _Shit, not good,_ ’ she thought and felt a rising panic somewhere inside.

“Well, you’re right where I expected to find you, you little slut,” a voice said suddenly right next to her, a voice Faith thought she would never hear again. It still managed to frighten her.

She whipped her head towards the voice on instinct almost passing out again from the sudden flash of agony in her neck. “M-mum?”

* * *

“I’m actually pleasantly surprised, Fai,” Caroline Lehane snorted. “Even totally wasted you still recognize your dear, old mother.”

“I-I’m not...,” Faith breathed weakly, still lying on her side with her arms holding her injured chest.

“Couldn’t pay your dealer, right? Or was it your pimp? Whoever beat you up did a real good job of it.”

“No, Mum, I-I’m not doing drugs, I swear,” Faith defended herself automatically. “And I’m not a...”

“A what, Fai? A whore?” Caroline asked in amusement. “Of course you are. You are a just sneaky little whore who would spread her legs for anyone who would have her, like your mother’s boyfriends for example. And you thought I wouldn’t find out?”

Faith felt like she couldn’t breathe. How could her mother turn everything upside-down so casually? She had to know. She had to remember.

“Mum, no. It was them... they came to my room... and I... I couldn’t stop them.”

“Oh, please,” Caroline laughed dryly. “I wish you wouldn’t try to insult my intelligence like this. All those little signals you thought I couldn’t see – bringing attention to your lips and your ass. Did they whisper in your ear what a good little fuck you were, how sweetly you gave it? Did it turn you on that you had to be quiet, 'cause your mother was sleeping in the next room?”

“You... you were passed out and they...”

“Told you they loved you? Told you they’d take you away from all that? Lord knows I would have slit my wrists for the shame alone.”

Faith saw dimly her mother crouch down next to her in her light summer dress. For some reason she appeared to be totally dry. “In fact, Fai, it’s not yet too late to atone,” Caroline continued in a much sweeter tone. “You can still do it and regain a little bit of dignity. You have a knife, and in your condition, you won’t even feel a thing. Just a few deep cuts and it will all just... drain away.”

“You’re not my mother,” Faith gasped, as realization hit her. “You’re the First!”

Caroline tsk’ed and rose to her feet. “What gave it away? Was I too eager? I know, I shouldn’t have mentioned the drugs. Was that it? But I know I got close. I can get closer still.”

With that the apparition of Caroline Lehane was gone.

* * *

Getting back to her feet with every little movement sending jolts of excruciating pain throughout her system was probably the hardest physical exercise Faith had ever done in her life. Leaning against the back door to Bronze, she tried to breathe lightly as each indrawn lungful increased the ache somewhere close to her heart.

Lightheaded, she realized she was only a few yards away from the spot where she had first met Buffy, her sister Slayer. She had been so nervous about meeting the older Slayer that she almost missed the vampire’s heart when she dusted it with the stake she had borrowed from Buffy.

‘ _I was so happy then, briefly. I had waited for so long to meet the only other girl in the world, the one Diana had told all those stories about.’_ She sniffled with a shuddering sigh. ‘ _We were supposed to have been best friends. The only ones who could really understand each other – the Chosen Two. But you already had your best friends. You had your impenetrable ring of Scoobies around you within which there was no room for the slutty, white-trash Slayer. All those times I waited alone in my room at that roach-infested Motel for you to want to spend time with me. All those times I sat alone on a tombstone for hours waiting for you to come patrol with me, but you never did. It was always “Scooby this” and “Scooby that”. Did you even remember my existence until you needed some extra muscle? All I wanted was..._ ’

“You wanted a family, Faith, and I gave you one,” came a deep voice from the other end of the alley.

“Boss...”

* * *

“Well, my little Firecracker,” Mayor Richard Wilkins said cheerfully as he stepped casually to where Faith was leaning against the door. “Things don’t look all that good for you at the moment, do they?” Wilkins asked matter-of-factly with his hands in his trouser pockets.

“You’re not him,” Faith shook her head despite the sharp pain each side-to-side movement caused.

“That’s right, Faith,” Wilkins said with his head tilted to the side a little. “I’m not. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you just as much as he did. The dead are my province and I know and feel everything they did when they were still alive. He... I really loved you, Faith, like a daughter. You mistook me once for a Sugar Daddy, understandable in the circumstances, but I forgave you that little slip immediately. Men had taken advantage of you before, and you just naturally assumed no-one would ever give you anything except in exchange for... let’s say physical services. Darn! I wish I could have been there to teach a lesson to those who had mistreated you so.”

“I-I’m sorry, Boss,” Faith said quietly with her head held low. It was so hard not to think of the apparition before her as the Mayor.

“But, still, Faith. You did betray me in the end,” Wilkins said in a more serious voice.

“No, Boss, no I didn’t,” Faith panicked again, this time because it was the truth.

“Yes, you did, Faith. Yes, you did,” Wilkins shook her head sadly. “Did you really think Ms Summers would forgive you... would accept you if you gave her that little piece of information on how to stop my Ascension? You have no idea how disappointed I was when I realized that. I thought you were ‘solid’ as you put it but, in the end, you clung to the vain hope that that they... sorry, _she_ would welcome you back with open arms.”

There was nothing Faith could do but hold her head low and cry silently.

“You are a traitor, Faith. Do you really think Ms Summers will ever trust you again? Do you think her friends and all those pesky little Potentials will? She has told them all about you, all the gritty little details. And try as you might to prove otherwise, a first impression is a first impression. There’s no place for you there anymore, Faith. They will lose, and they will lose everything. That’s inevitable, and the only wise thing for a smart girl like you to do is get yourself patched up and get yourself gone. Isn’t that how you always handled bad situations? ‘Get some, get gone’? Well, you’ve really gotten some this time around, haven’t you? Why not follow through as well? Just a short visit to Sunnydale General and then... just leave SunnyD forever.”

Wilkins took a few steps towards Faith and came to stand within touching distance.

“I retain a... whisper of everyone whose resemblance I’ve taken. If you stop fighting me, you will have a place of honor in my new world. I do care about you, Faith, and you have earned peace for yourself a thousand times over. Just... turn your back on that ungrateful bitch and her gang, and you’ll have all that and more. You have my word that none of my minions will touch you.”

The First waited a full minute for Faith to answer but she just kept her eyes on the ground.

“I see,” Wilkins said evenly. “Well, life’s full of second chances, and here's chance number two for you, Faith. Think about it. Think about it real good.”

And with that, he was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Faith felt battered, both physically and mentally. She was beaten, broken and, above all else, tired... so tired. She didn’t have any money on her, having spent what little she had on drinks at the Bronze. She didn’t have anywhere to go; she didn’t know anyone in Sunnydale – even the hospital was probably off-limits as she was still a wanted fugitive.

Almost like on auto-pilot she took a step away from the nightclub door – and another and another. Like a beaten dog she turned in the direction that would lead her back to Revello Drive, more than a mile away.

* * *

‘ _Why didn’t you ever see me?_ ’ Faith asked as more tears slowly fell to her cheeks. She was glad that the city was empty around her as she looked more like a cripple than a Slayer as she limped slowly in the direction of Revello. ‘ _I had just lost Diana and desperately yearned for your acceptance, your... love. I felt you the moment you entered the Bronze that night. I felt this pull, like a magnet, to you. I felt it every time we were close. Did you? Did you feel it when we touched and it was so much stronger?_ ’

“God! All that self-pity. Moan, moan, moan, all the time,” a golden voice said just from behind her shoulder. The next second, Buffy was walking beside her.

* * *

“Why this?” Faith asked quietly. “Why me?”

“Sorry, girlfriend,” Buffy shrugged. “This is how it’s gotta be.” She turned to look at Faith’s painful movements. “You don’t look so good.”

“Yeah, thanks to you.”

“I guess. Didn’t realize the cops had already done quite a number on you.”

They walked silently for a while.

“Why are you doing this, Faith? You have to know nothing good will come out of going back there.”

“What can I say? Maybe I’m just a glutton for punishment,” Faith tried to shrug but a sudden, sharp pain in her chest made her almost double over.

“Whatever,” Buffy said dismissively.

“Did you...?” Faith started hesitantly. “Did you ever have any feelings for me?”

“No,” Buffy answered immediately. “It was always Angel. Why would have I traded someone like him for a slut bomb like you who spread her legs to half of Sunnydale?”

“Why didn’t you...?”

“Say anything? It was fun... for a while, watching you struggle with your clumsy attempts at being flirty while desperately trying to appear not too skanky. It was fun... until it wasn’t. Then it was just purely irritating. We had quite a few laughs over it at the Scooby meetings.”

“I... I loved you,” Faith whispered, feeling fresh tears make their appearance in the corners of her eyes. ‘ _No! I won’t cry. Not now, not in front of her._ ’

“I know. That’s what really made it so amusing.”

“Are you the real Buffy?”

“If you cannot tell, does it really matter?”

“No, I guess it doesn’t. Not anymore,” Faith answered with a resigned sigh.

They walked slowly in silence for a while until Buffy slowed her steps almost unnoticeably. When Faith realized the other Slayer is no longer by her side, she turned around to look. The street was totally empty beside herself.

* * *

Shivering with cold and possibly shock, Faith continued her lonely progression through the empty neighborhoods. Every now and then painful, rocking coughs almost made her black out again. They were accompanied by larger and larger sprays of blood as she got closer to Revello Drive.

Finally standing in the driveway to #1630 Faith watched through heavy eyelids as warm light exited the living room window. She could see some of the Potentials in animated discussions with each other and some of the Scoobies, occasionally laughing at something exceptionally funny. She caught a glimpse of Buffy with her arm held companionably around Willow’s shoulders. Giles passed them and briefly touched the blonde Slayer’s back fondly.

‘ _G-man and Red – they are both killers but were welcomed back with open arms, no questions asked. Finch was an accident, everyone knew that, but where was the safety net for the secondary Slayer? Even now they still expect me to turn psycho so that they can say with that holier-than-thou attitude, “Ahha! See, we knew it all along. It was just a matter of time.” Red went totally off the deep end and flayed a guy alive. Where was the outrage then? Nowhere - they went all the way to see poor Willow get well again. Me? I went to prison and stayed there of my own free will to seek my atonement. What is the only thing keeping a Slayer in prison? The Slayer herself. Angel was the only one I really wanted to hurt back then and he became the only one who cared enough to visit me. To all of you it was just a relief to see the psycho killer locked away for good, wasn’t it? But when help was needed, it was all, “Hey, come back, Faith! We need you.” And like the fool I am, I did come back. To what? To being ignored again until some extra firepower is needed._ ’

With a few subdued nods of her head, Faith opened the door and stepped inside the Slayer central.

* * *

The living room went quiet as Faith stood hunched over and holding her chest just inside the front door. ‘ _All it takes is just one person to show concern. Just one word to show you care..._ ’

She could feel multiple pairs of eyes on her but no-one said anything; no-one approached her. With a sigh she made it to the stairs, and taking them slowly one-by-one, entered the bathroom closing the door behind her. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and stopped in her tracks. Her face was totally unrecognizable under the bruises and the grime. Her chin and shirt were red with blood and her eyes... they belonged to someone who has been to Hell and realized there was no way out of there.

Inch by slow inch she managed to wriggle the jean jacket off her and drop it to the floor. Next were her boots which came off a little easier. She had to use her toes to pinch the legs of her jeans to pull them down little by little until they pooled around her ankles. There was no way she could lift her top off which was probably a mercy since she couldn’t even imagine what her torso would look like.

She waited for a while for the water to turn warm until she slowly and carefully stepped into the shower. She pulled the curtain close and then, her legs couldn’t support her any longer. With an excruciating jolt she hit the bottom of the tub and coughed up a mouthful of blood which quickly mixed with the warm water and spiralled down the drain.

Faith watched the vanishing red stream almost hypnotized until she felt the familiar tingles inside. Buffy was close... and then the latch was released and the door opened.

* * *

‘ _Did you come to finish the job, B?_ ’ Faith thought fleetingly with mixed sadness and relief as the dark shadow behind the semi-opaque curtain moved closer. ‘ _I won’t fight you anymore, Buffy. Let your will be done..._ ’

“I’m sorry I hit you,” came the quiet words from the other side of the curtain, totally surprising her.

Faith tried to open her mouth, but no words came out. Just breathing seemed take everything she had left.

“This is the part where you say something, you know,” Buffy’s voice continued after a short pause, this time with a hint of irritation in it.

Faith tried to reach out and pull the curtain aside but she found herself unable to move her hand. Her arms suddenly felt very heavy, even to her Slayer strength. On the other side the curtain, the shadow moved again.

“God, you’re unbelievable, Faith! You just never change, do you? I’m gone!”

‘ _No, don’t go! I... I forgive you. Please... don’t leave me._ ’

The door opened and closed, and Faith collapsed totally. She slowly closed her eyes, as a steady stream of red flowed out of her slightly parted lips.

* * *

“Faith?”

‘ _That voice...? It can’t be!_ ’

“What’s the matter, Slayer? Cat got your tongue?” the soft voice asked in amusement.

“Diana!” Faith breathed and stood up. She wasn’t feeling any pain as she pulled the curtain out of the way and saw her Watcher leaning against the bathroom door with her customary crooked half-smile on her lips.

“Come here, child,” Diana smiled at her warmly and held out her arms.

No longer caring to hold back her tears Faith practically jumped to Diana’s arms and buried her face in the older woman’s shoulder. “I’ve missed you so much,” she sobbed in relief.

“I know, my love, I know,” Diana soothed her, gently running her hand through Faith’s dark curls. “We are together now and I’ll never leave you again.”

“Promise?” Faith whispered.

“I promise.”

“What happens now?”

“You’ll get to find out, Faith, just like everyone else eventually does.”

* * *

In the living room downstairs, Kennedy gasped and her whole body went rigid as a sudden shock wave went through her. “I... I think I just became the Slayer.”

There was a crash as Buffy dropped a handful of plates to the floor and rushed to the stairs.

“No! No, _no_ , NO!! FAITH!!!”

THE END


End file.
